Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
