God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
