I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
