the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
