He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
