cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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