SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
