i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
