so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
