No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
