the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pooping to opera.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
