I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
