He uses pillows to masturbate.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
