Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
