We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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