So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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