I have demons in me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
