My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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