Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
