Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
