I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's not cheating when I paid for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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