THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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