My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
