He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
