never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
