That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
