Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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