marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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