Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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