I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
