I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
