My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
