Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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