My hand turned me down
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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