i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I want is dick and wine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
