You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
