where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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