I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
