btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
