You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
