Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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