My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
