we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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