he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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