i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
