strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
