I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
