I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
