it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
