I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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