What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
