So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize