Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
