Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
