Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
