Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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