dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
