Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
