you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
NoShamevember. You game?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
