why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Houston, we have a blender
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
