i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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