Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
