smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
