Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
