well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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