I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
