Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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