Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
